he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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