we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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