are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
