he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
