I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
