everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
