You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
