I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
as a side note pls kill me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
