I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
