Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
