living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
