There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
