Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
