So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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