im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Green mimosas i think yes
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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