I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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