I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
