After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
