Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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