New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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