He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
