You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
