I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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