We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
