i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
