just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
