When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
