Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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