I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
