nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
