dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I am naked and annoyed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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