I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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