I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
