i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
