i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
