jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
