I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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