I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
