Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
