Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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