you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
