weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
