so that wasnt chicken after all
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
