Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
