bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
