she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
