why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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