Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
