halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The power of my boobs compel you
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dick very happy bro
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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