The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
