fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
